Psyllium Husk and the Self-Executed Enemas (cool band name)

colon

SITREP:

So following on from my previous post about this detox I am on I have to tell you that my diet will consist of this stuff called Psyllium Husk for the next 7 days, with some added Benotine, carrot juice, and one cup of vegetable broth.  Let me set the scene for you on what Psyllium Husk mixed in water is like to drink – like nailing a huge cup of dirty dishwater plus the bits in the sink at the end, but in gelatinous form practically sealing your throat as you try to swallow.  My gag reflex is usually good but this stuff is like Ronseal of the Herb World!  So each time I drink it I end up gagging so badly, eyes watering, exhaling “FUCK” when I’m done, slamming the cup down on the Detox Bar! Non-zen and I am sure I am messing up the vibe! The mentalists here also doing this are telling me “think of something beautiful as you swallow” which isn’t helping cause I immediately thought of a chicken burger! This ritual is done in an ambient setting near the pool with New (C)Age music being played which is absolutely so clich├ęd it is making my teeth on edge.  In my mind I decided to play JMEs “Man Don’t Care” which is one of my favourite tunes when feeling like I need a boost.

Lets then get onto the real business – the self executed enema I have to do two times a day.  You go into this little room and you lie down over this thing called a Colema Board that is like a little flat canoe with a bit of space at the end where you lean your arsehole over a toilet and with little grooves to put your feet in.  You have to get your personal anus tip out and attach it to this pipe that is attached to gallons of water (with coffee in) *properly gutted at this point that I cant have coffee in inside my stomach yum yum but I am allowed it up my arse. Fuming.

Anyway you have to lube yourself up (nothing new here) then you slide onto this pipe, lie down then turn the water on and it slowly goes up your freckle! It is the weirdest sensation; you don’t feel anything for a bit, then all hell breaks loose.  All of your life you have been told not to shit yourself then all of a sudden you are basically shitting yourself, constantly. The water fills you again and then you shit out, and again and again. For about 20 minutes.  You have to massage your stomach as you are shitting your life force out because it isn’t quite humiliating enough. Towards the end I felt this huge amount of shit coming out and I thought oh my god I must have expelled the tube which caused even more anxiety.  I actually started crying at this point. I just wanted it to be over but at same time I had started to panic about the clean up situation.  It felt like I had shit up my back and everything – like being a baby again! That is what is horrible about it – I felt that maybe this is how I might be at the end of my life.  Flashes of my own mortality upset me and I guess this is part of the whole point of this trip.  Feeling so unhealthy over the last year has scared me but I have been too depressed to do anything about it like I normally would have.

I slid off the pipe (thanked god) and waddled off that shit canoe to shower myself down. Not pretty having to shower your own faeces off your bum cheeks let me tell you. I showered instantly and then had to run to my room to lie down as I had tummy pains – queue another few toilet trips – I MEAN HOW MUCH SHIT CAN ONE HUMAN HOLD? And why do I have to have another one in 8 hours’ time? I am dreading it to be honest.

I haven’t had food for 24 hours now and feeling okay – I can cope with hunger, I am just worried about days 2 and 3 as these are meant to the worst!

Tomorrow I will write about the people.

 #health #detox #cleanse #sober #healthyeating #thailand 

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