Ah the sweetness of St Valentines Day yesterday – the loved up couples basking in their love for each other. Lovely. Or is it? One of the most fucked up things I see as a single woman is the amount of men on dating websites that are actively cheating – you know the ones “I dont have my photo on here cause of work” AYE!
The men that I have had contact from recently they only seem to message you at certain times, they disappear for a few days, they don’t make solid plans, they try to get you to to sext – CLEARLY MARRIED MY GUY…do you think we are stupid? I certainly won’t be fucking a married man, the audacity to think they can get married and carry on their single life astounds me.
Now the worst one I have seen recently is from a guy I used to date in 2014 – looking back, a complete predator. He did that classic “girlfriend experience” thing when he really just wanted to hook up whilst he looked for a wife. He got me to try S&M stuff that also looking back was probably quite dangerous for me – I think that was his MO, get fresh women who don’t know much about BDSM and then “introduce” them to it and then bounce when the wife material woman comes along. Looking for that wife who he wouldn’t engage in BDSM with cause that has to be with a “filthy woman” and not his lovely vanilla pure wife. So many men like this – proper fucking issues.
Anyyyyway I later found he had about a million profiles on different fetish/swinger/sex worker review sites, which was shocking as this guy portrayed himself to be Mr Nice, butter wouldn’t melt, upstanding honest guy when it was so further from the truth.
The reason I still think about this man is because he really damaged me. He stole my innocence, he stole my romantic view of the world, he preyed upon me after knowing I was grieving the death of my Dad, he promised me loads of things, he swept me off my feet knowing full well it was all an act. I spent 2 years feeling so upset that I had betrayed myself and that my judgement had been so off that I got myself entangled with such a weird predator. He disguised himself so well though. I ended up changing my entire life because of this person – now I can see for the better but it was such a fucking painful process.
The reason I am writing this is because I saw that he had gotten married a few years ago and I as I was in a good place I felt pleased for him and that he had clearly changed his ways (after I confronted him about his million weird fetish profiles and his 2-faced life and he had agreed that he had issues to sort out etc). His new wife looks lovely too and they looked great together. I got on with my life and had a lovely relationship with someone really good for me, restored me back to life. But imagine my surprise when last year I log onto an old fetish website I went on now and then to see Mr Predator had renewed his profile (same user name as before, idiotic as FUCK, or doesn’t actually care?)! Two years after getting married this guy is back on the fetish websites looking for a “relationship or hook up” and yet looking at his Instagram there he is playing happily married man with his wife. I mean, the fucking audacity of the guy. Imagine being his wife, getting treated beautifully on Valentines day no doubt (gotta keep up the act) and yet has no idea her husband has a secret life.
When I confronted him about his million profiles on those sites back when I found his true personality out he told me that it was just an online thing, that he never met people, whilst I was literally looking at pics he had posted of a semi naked woman on her knees in a collar in his flat lol. Like Boris Johnson saying NO RULES WERE BROKEN whilst he has a party popper and a can of Stella in his hand. These entitled men are the worst. They truly think if they just keep telling you one thing you will believe them and not your own eyes. A very entitled man trick because I think they believe that they are much smarter than everyone else, when in fact they are just more entitled. This guy underestimated me, as he probably does with many women he meets. Why else would you be a serial cheater? His fetish website addiction went back years, loads of photos of women he had taken in hotel rooms in BDSM style scenarios. All whilst he was married to his first wife. So imagine being this guy? Never being straight up with the people you marry? I just couldn’t imagine the darkness of it.
I wish I had exposed the complete arsehole when I had the chance but back then I was a much nicer person. Now I am a grown up, chipped and shaped by experience, and I despise men who cheat. I am not a monogamous person as I don’t think monogamy always works but I am ethically non-monogamous – it can be done. People who cheat are the lowest because they just don’t care about the other person no matter how much they say they love them; they love themselves and their depravity much much more. Premeditated cheating is also just fucking terrible. Seeking out kicks outside your marriage cause you married someone that you actually want as an accessory to your life, and who you can’t be yourself with, is just so sad. Sad for the other person you are dragging along whilst pretending and performing.
I won’t do anything about this knowledge because I don’t want to blow someone’s world apart. I deleted my account on that god-awful site as I don’t want to see the toxicity of it all. He is fucking lucky that I am the person I am. I just feel pity for him to be continuing that life, to have never changed, to have to destroy other people for your own desires – cause eventually chickens come home to roost don’t they? I feel sorry for her. The fact she is lying in bed night after night with someone she doesn’t really know. She probably has no idea he loves being kicked in the balls for money or that he likes whipping women with belts, or that he dresses up in tights and suspenders. He will be her lovely Mr Nice Man.
I feel sadness that I was actually rooting for him, was actually pleased he found love, all to be jaded by him again. Luckily for me I have had some really solid lovely men in my life in the last few years who I trust and love, and who truly have made me realise that there can be honesty and integrity in relationships. What a shame that he will clearly never feel that.
But also, FUCK HIM. Weird little depraved gimp!